I am going to be counseling people in the future, as my path and focus is one of leadership/clergy, and so I have been thinking about just what my sexual assumptions are, and just how am I going to councel people when they come to me with problems of this sort. Especially when we exist on different places in the spectrums.
For example, as a pagan, is it moral to have multiple one-night-stands just to satisfy physical desire? Or is it better to councel more care and less freedom in the interest of health and safety?
I think you have to help people work within their own moral frameworks. If it’s a question of your own morality affecting how you counsel others, that’s more complicated. You have to figure out where you yourself stand on these issues.
According to Raven Grimassi, Aradia taught that sex can be physical, spiritual or both, and that you should “share your sexuality with whomever you may, in whatever manner you may, for all acts of love and pleasure are rituals to the Goddess and to the God.” She also taught, “... you shall be free in body, mind and spirit. Be not like the Christians, who teach shame and modesty and false morality. Blessed are the free.”
I do not agree with those who parse the “Charge of the Goddess” to read words of caution or qualifiers in the Goddess’ statement that all acts of love and pleasure are her rituals. I don’t think the morality of sexuality is reducible to a list of dos and don’ts. It’s really about wisdom, isn’t it? It’s about constructive behavior vs. destructive behavior. When we abstain from sex, we don’t do so because it’s “bad” or “wrong” but because it’s unhelpful or destructive in some way. Otherwise, there’s no reason not to enter into it joyfully.
Like anything else, sex can be abused; and, because it is so powerful, it can be quite a force for building up or for tearing apart. Maybe that’s why it became such a taboo: you don’t want a child handling a loaded pistol, so you forbid him under the harshest of penalties. Constant indulgence in sex could be symptomatic of a problem—imbalance usually is—but could also be someone’s gift; prostitution, after all, began as sacred ritual, and some women are reviving the practice today. Making distinctions like this will require discernment.
If someone is solidly bisexual (i.e. are equally drawn to both sexes) and is in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, is it ethical to their sexual nature to deny a relationship with one of the same sex also?
I think the real question is whether they would be betraying their current partner by adding another person to their relationship, or by going outside their relationship for sexual satisfaction. Most people today expect their relationships to be sexually exclusive. As I understand it, being bisexual only means one is attracted to members of both sexes; it doesn’t mean one has to have sex with members of both sexes to feel complete.
How does one determine if a desire to become polyamorous is a symptom of a problem in the current relationship, or simply a natural part of their nature?
I don’t know. This sounds like something you need professional training for.
It should be mentioned that sex entered into specifically for spiritual purposes does not compromise commitments made within an exclusive relationship unless the people involved feel that it does. A priest or priestess of the Goddess might be called upon to serve in a sexual rite as a function of that office; or, as in days of old, seasonal rites could temporarily suspend commitments to exclusivity generally. The important thing in all these cases, however, is that any partner who is not involved be truly accepting of the situation. If not, then any commitment is broken.
It is my personal belief that marriage is not intrinsically about being sexually exclusive. I don’t despise those who do; indeed, I believe that sexual exclusiveness in marriage can be a powerful spiritual path. But I don’t believe everyone who gets married is ready to embrace such a path. I believe that, for most people, marriage is more about love than it is about sex. For better or for worse, however, today, sensitivity to the sexual mores of one’s partner is part of the picture. No matter what we may believe as individuals, we are committed to love our partners; and, if one’s partner is unable to handle a sexually open marriage, love does not demand that they do.
Recent Post
