My Cat Watches Too Much CSI

[Lark]

Or maybe he's watched too many episodes of Criminal minds.

Honestly, I think I'm living with a serial killer with a sadistic bent.  He was probably warped at a young age when his Mum took him to the vets to be "fixed" when he knew very well he wasn't broken.  In fact he was under the impression that the important parts were working just splendidly until they were so rudely separated from his otherwise immaculate body.

So in response he has taken on the job of murdering poor defenseless rodentia.  Not just killing them cleanly mind you, but doing it with much torture and sadistic play beforehand.  At first he made no efforts to hide his kills nor to care who might have been a witness to his heinous crimes against the local mouse population.

Then he started watching those cop shows and began worrying about what might happen if one of the mouse's relatives should squeal to the rodent police force.

So of late he has taken to putting his victims in the tub.  Not only does this mean that the mouse in question can't escape him by accident while he's playing with it.   But it also means that the excess bloodstains and body parts can be cleverly washed down the drain leaving no evidence of the crimes behind.

But now I'm getting worried.  He knows that I am on to him.  He knows that I know what he's done.  Does he think I might turn state's evidence on him?  OMG, the last time I was in the shower he sat there on the side of the tub watching me intently.  I think he's plotting how to do me in before I can turn him in.  The only thing keeping me safe is that he hasn't figured out how to work the can opener.  If I find they've delivered an electric one to the house I know my days are numbered.

-Lark-

[RedRonin]

You're actually lucky.......

Our dipstick beast would kill the rodent then decide to discreetly place it in the ductwork or far under the couch.

They wouldn't dare do harm to us.  They couldn't tolerate laying in a cold lap.

[Labrys]

My son had a cat when he lived in Virginia that killed cockroaches.  Slowly.  It would catch the hapless (if disgusting bug), very tenderly hold it still and rip off all but one leg.  Then it would sit back and watch the insect going round and round and round in circles the rest of the night. 

Who knew cats made their own "tops" to enjoy?

[Vesper]

hmmm, my cat used to bring me half masticated, bloody little gifts and leave them in my bed.  He also gave not a care as to whether or not I would "rat" him out to the rodent police.  Quite disturbing, no remorse, no concern.

Thought some may enjoy this small excerpt from a cats diary.  I am afraid I do not know who the author is and can give no credit where credit is due.

Excerpts from a Cat's diary:

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and
the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a
good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a
liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise. More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time......

[Still Kate]

My cat used to bring in voles and field mice, mostly alive. Ryan, when he was younger, used to put them in a shoe box, with warm bedding, feed them and when they were back to health he'd let them go in the field. One decided he didn't want to go.... probably too cushy with all the food and warmth and would run back up Ryans arm every time he tried to release it. That one lived with us for a month till he finally went home.

Church, the cat, now lives with my sister, due to the fact my landlord wont allow animals here and millie would terrorise her. Church is very happy still hunting.

Blessings
Kate. xx