Clue By Four Moments in Paganism

[Labrys]

Actually...we need a message icon that looks more like this emoticon: 

Have you ever simply had one of those epiphanies that makes you feel (1) Very stupid and (2) Surprised?

I am sure many of you have the idea, by now, that I am a conflicted polytheist who would be happier as a simple pantheist.  But I cope most of the time.  My general belief is that those seemingly and annoyingly existent deities GAVE the Earth to us, it is OUR ball of wax.  They will not do clean up duty.  So we are free to succeed or fail on our own merits.

But it comes as an unpleasant shock to me even more than usual when it seems they have set ideas about HOW I should work my life and ritual---gets me to kwetching about "Well, if You-all are so 'hands-off" how can you DICTATE to me?"  Most recent new/old example for illustration of the point:

In 2003, I opened the Labyrinth after building it.  Opening night, at the central stone, which we feel is a gateway (yes, I know how utterly silly and pretentious that sounds---but come stand there at night when the names are read and tell me I'm wrong----PLEASE??!!), I intended to cut my hand and put my blood on the stone.  Three different folks had sharpened the knife.  It cut hairs, ok?  But at the stone, it would not cut when drawn across my palm.  I finally stabbed myself about a dozen times with the point and my hand would then NOT bleed.    I squeezed out a few drops and gave up.  Five minutes later, in the house, my hand bled like MAD and required steptic powder to turn it off.  So, being able to learn by clue by four, I figured Freyja did NOT want MORE blood.  Good and well.

Jump to February 2009---Heathen Nerthus blot at my house (yes, with the yet-undiagnosed crazies).  Because this blot is about peace, all the weaponry was to be locked up (weaponry??  Holy cats!!?)  So all 20 guests trooped across the Labyrinth with guns, knives, etc to lock them securely in the Honey House.  I felt good about this....being shocked to crap by how many loaded arms appeared at the godhi's word!
 But March and April came after...and we began garden preparation where the plow had sat at Blot and the Nerthus image was left (unfired clay) to return to Her earthen home.  NO earthworms.  None.  I began searching the entire yard...every flower bed and pot.  No worms.  I had the creepy feeling something was VERY wrong.

Epiphany: and then, this month, remembering these as I discussed the weapons issue with that crew....it hit me.  It wasn't only bloodshed forbidden on the Walk....but weaponry of ANY sort.  It is not just a war memorial, or just a Gate, it is a Sanctuary.

Yes, I never suspected.  I mean, when I began, I actually thought it would be ONLY a war memorial.  It wasn't till I stood at the heart and felt a sensation of gaping openess sucking at me that I realized it was a Gate!!  But friends can tell you how utterly obtuse I can be......pity my deities, they must wear themselves out beating on my head.

So, anyone else with similar stories, or am I the only resident nitwit?

[Lark]

The cosmic clue-by-four gets used on me all the time.  I think I have a permanent dent in the back of my head where They have taken turns trying to get my attention.  You'll get a chuckle out of the conversation I held with my HPS years ago:

Me:  How come the Gods always seem to use the cosmic clue-by-four on me instead of just tapping me politely on the shoulder?

HPS:  What's your sign?

Me:  Taurus.

HPS: I rest my case.

-Lark-

[Labrys]

Yeah, that is giggle-worthy!  I am a Scorpio with Aries rising and a Taurus moon.

I'm a bit surprised the beatings have not put me in a coma yet.

[Brijrian]

Oh, I couldn't agree more, or have more pity for my poor gods.

The real question for me is: Are any of us so Aware/Tuned in that they are NOT beaten over the head repeatedly?

If any exist, their life must have far fewer headaches!

[Hornedgod777]

Thats an interesting story. Im sure we've all had a similiar experience that left us feeling like something was terribly wrong and didnt figure out what we were really doing until much later, lol. But I dont think the Gods were dictating anything. Perhaps, they were merely assisting you in finding yer true will in regards to this project that you r undertaking. Whatever that may be, of course, is still up to you, the path goes ever on and only ends when we meet them face to face and can finally ask just wat the heck they were up to, lol.

About that gateway.. there is nothing silly or pretentious about an active, energetic gateway. And that sensation of heightened awareness that you experienced at the gate should tell you that the Gods arent playing around here, they have a purpose I'm sure.. but like you said the outcome of the situation depends mostly on you, so do wat you will and then see. If yer heart is in the rite place, I'm sure the Gods will be there to help u manifest yer dream. You seem like a cool chick so I dont think you'll have any problems in that regard, just keep yer eyes and ears peeled fer those little things.. haha.