That Pernicous Sense of Entltilement

[Lark]

I'm talking about that pernicious sense of entitlement that has crept into the Pagan community at large and the Wiccan community specifically.

It used to be, and not that long ago, that finding a coven that you could hope to join took a lot of hard work and luck. And when you did find one you wanted one that would teach you, stretch you spiritually, and make you grow as well as becoming a family that you were proud to be a part of. And once you were in the group you expected to have to work hard in order to go through the training to become an Initiate of that group. You coven was a vital part of your life. Your religion was a vital part of your life. And everyone seemed to understand that you got out of this path only as much as the effort you put into walking it. It was all about personal responsibility: responsibility for self, responsibility to the group, and responsibility to the Gods.

None of this seems to apply anymore. Here are some examples of what I have encountered in the last few years.

I had a 15 year old contact me and want to become a member of Tangled Moon. I explained why from a legal standpoint that we could not accept minors without either a parent or a guardian accompanying them. I even offered to meet with his Mom to see what could be worked out. His response was that I "don't have the right to tell me I can't be a part of your coven." Excuse me???

I engaged in a discussion about screening potential members and what the purpose was of having an Outer Court program on a message board. One of the members on that board was a Wiccan author who has never been a part of a coven because she refuses to have anyone screen her of "judge" her. Because she has been a solitary for humpty-ump years she believes that any coven she applies to should accept her at her word about what she knows and how she practices. The group doesn't have the right to tell her they need to evaluate whether she is a good fit for the group. Excuse me???

I had an Initiate who left the group for several years due to personal concerns. On his return he asked to study for 2nd Degree and began his course of work with me. Then the complaining began, he didn't see why he had to do this, that, or the other. He found all sorts of responses as to why he couldn't read the required reading. He didn't have glasses...he then got glasses and still couldn't read. I bought him magnifying pages to help..it didn't help. First it was only Hutton's book he couldn't read. Then it was any and all books he was assigned. And now he feels that he should be initiated because he's been with the group longest, even though he has not completed the required work. Excuse me???

I have had individuals apply to become members of Tangled Moon, and before that with Oak, Ash, and Thorn who have "self-initiated" themselves to 3rd Degree based on reading a couple of books. We had one young man who had a coven background but whose entire training was "read this book, take this quiz". He never actually had to demonstrate competency in anything he read about. Yet they expect, and get very irate when told no, that they will become part of this Tradition as a 3rd Degree equal to this Tradition's 3rd Degrees..even though the training and work in this Trad requires at least 7 years of practice and study to get to the point where we'd consider someone for 3rd. Excuse me?

At one time we tried to have a children's circle so that parents could bring kids to wherever we were having ritual and that the parents would then take turns working with the kids while the adults were in circle. This was a great failure. One of the prime examples was a woman with three children who adamantly refused to help with the children's circle even though she always brought her kids to ritual. Her excuse? "I came here to have circle with the adults, I have no intention of being left with the kids!" Excuse me???

In the winter we rent space from the local UU Church to have our rituals. Brock and I arrive early to open the doors and set up, and we are the last to leave so that we can make certain that everything is cleaned up and the building secured before we go. There are quite a few in our group who make a point of arriving right before ritual and leaving immediately afterward. They have never been seen washing up after feast, or helping carry things to the car, or vacuuming up any crumbs on the carpet. Excuse me???

So when did we go from being about personal responsibility and a willingness to work hard for what is important to a path where everyone feels they are entitled to the shiny stuff but that asking them to work for what they want is "unfair" or "judgmental"? When did we go from being a religion where everyone involved was invested in creating a cohesive magical family where everyone worked for the good of the group to one in which most of the members simply want to be entertained? Is it the fault of the internet? Is it the fault of the crop of silly books that everyone is reading? Or does the fault also lie with ourselves?

-Lark-

[Labrys]

What a disappointing list.  I have certainly seen what you talk about even tho' I am not Wiccan and almost entirely solitary. 

We had friends who insisted on bringing children to every event,even ones designated adult only, and who refused to keep track of their children and got very offended when I gated off my living room because I do have literally dangerous things there (they had toddlers).

I've had older teens and tweens come to me and get annoyed when I hand them a book list and tell them we can talk more when they do some reading.  Apparently, I should be able to flip back their skulls and pour the information in like honey on a muffin.

I have not asked for initiation in any group, but if I did, I would certainly expect to do the work, in spite of being a solitary pagan for about 25 years now.  Group work is very different than solitary pagan life and requires different qualifications.

I have seen a self-initiated, self-proclaimed 'High Priestess' take charge of a coven of almost three dozen people and reduce it to nothing but family members in less than 15 years.  It was all about her control of all the members lives----magical AND mundane.  She punished members who took attention away from her in any way.  She was entitled to "respect" as she put it, because she was The Priestess.

Do you think this entitled attitude is (1) limited to pagan life?
(2) a function of paganism becoming more mainstream?
(3) related to the prevalent idea in Christianity, that you show up for 'services' and GET serviced, instead of truly participating in your own spirituality?

I see some of this attitude across the board---relating to jobs and other things.  It makes me grind my teeth. 

[Rowan CedarWolf]

I am not part of a coven, but I was on the board of directors at a local wiccan church, and have seen almost if not all of the examples listed here. The same folks cleaning up all the time. The same people planning ritual and buying the supplies. The same people bringing food for the feast, while others come empty handed, but leave full bellied. I have never been one to turn some one away due to inabilty to contribute, but when there are those able to contribute and choose not to it puts a burden on those who always do, it becomes expected for the same members to carry the rest of the group. And even those who can't financially contribute, usually contribute in other ways, by helping to plan the ritual, helping to set up, clean up, wash dishes etc.
It really has becomed filled with apathy and that is really sad. What wicca is now is the wicca I learned.

[RedRonin]

Sadly, it doesn't sound any different from any other area.

There's not an example you cite above that varies much from things I've had to deal with at my dojo or when judging at tournaments.

At least there I have the ability to smack people with impunity.   

[Ara]

I've had older teens and tweens come to me and get annoyed when I hand them a book list and tell them we can talk more when they do some reading.  Apparently, I should be able to flip back their skulls and pour the information in like honey on a muffin.

I have not asked for initiation in any group, but if I did, I would certainly expect to do the work, in spite of being a solitary pagan for about 25 years now.  Group work is very different than solitary pagan life and requires different qualifications.

I am in full agreement with you, dahling. 

When I was in high school, there was a girl that I knew from a few years back.  She was very much one of the goth kids, which I have no problem with, and criticized me for not being gothic and still being Wiccan.  Apparently, you have to dress in all black to be a witch *eyeroll*

Anyways, she and I became friends, as she wanted to know more about Wicca.  I got her a job at the store I was a supervisor at, and she lasted two whole shifts before she walked out (in the middle of her second shift). 

We didn't speak for a good long time, mostly because she dropped out of high school, and because we no longer worked together, and also because I was fuming about her making ME look bad because I suggested her to work for us.  I almost lost my job because of it. 

About two weeks ago, she emailed me on myspace so that we could become friends again.  The first few were the basic 'how are you's, where are you's" type of stuff, and then she started asking things like 'are you still wiccan?" and "will you teach me?"  Like everything was fine again.  And as if I would just trust her to teach her everything I know.  I gave her the link to come here, and she's never showed up (not that I'm super surprised).

On your second note, I am also with you.  In Salina, they started a group out at a park that was for those interested in Wicca or those who are Wiccans.  I can't actually say that I went to the meeting, becasue I couldn't get that night off of work, but I know a woman who went.  She said that the WHOLE thing was run by an 18 year old, and she was the oldest one there (she's in her early thirties).  She said that it totally threw her off being a part of a group, because she didn't want to listen to some snot-nosed brat who wants to use magic for his own life drama. (which is apparently what he was talking about, making our lives better with magic).  I don't get it.  I wanted to go, wanted to do the work to be apart of a group, but in this city, there's no one who wants to try to gather a coven or group of any kind that wants to be Wiccan for the religion, not for the magic.

i realize that I got off topic.  Excuse my ramblings!

Always-
Ara

[Labrys]

[quote[In Salina, they started a group out at a park that was for those interested in Wicca or those who are Wiccans.
[/quote]

Salina as in Kansas??  How bizarre...if so, that is my birth city.  This Dorothy isn't coming back...keep the dog.

[Ara]

I think we had that discussion when you sent me the wands (Which turned out wonderful, by the way )

[Gryphon]

I think it is far more widespread then just the Pagan/Wiccan communities.

I worked for 5 years on my first book, wrote and rewrote and drew and redrew until I had it just right, and finally found a publisher. I am still working almost daily on promoting the said book almost three years later. It has eaten up my life. Ask Red, he'll tell you.

I get requests for free books, free art, free advice from complete strangers. I am approach for an in with the publisher, and people wanting me to tell me their ideas so I can make a book for them and then they'll get rich from it. Excuse me? I work for YEARS on each book.

I have wanna be book authors and wanna be self-publishers contact me to do the art for their stories. They balk when I send them a contract, ask to see the manuscript, or tell them a picture book takes 6-9 months to complete and I expect to be paid a living wage for my time. I'm told I should be willing to do it for the "exposure" or the "experience." Excuse me?

So no, it's not just Wiccans who think the world owes them. Maybe it's because we have so much that we don't realize how others with less work hard for what they have. People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I don't have a dish washer. Come on! It takes about 10-15 minutes to wash the dishes, how hard can it be to do it by hand?

The last coven I was invited to join was just forming. I had years more experience than any of the others, but I wanted the sense of family I missed form the first coven I belonged to. This group held two Esbat rituals, chose a name and then decided they were ready to be initiated into First Degree. I dissented. I thought we needed more time to mesh, more time to work together, more time to LEARN. So they held meetings about me behind my back and decided how my "reluctance" to be initiated would be handled. Not one of them asked me why. Not one was willing to talk to me face to face about the meeting. I got a phone call late one evening to inform me of their decision. They would go ahead and initiate to First Degree, but I would have to wait until they decided I was "ready" for coven work. I opted out. Such back handed behavior is NOT what forming a coven is about. But it seems to be becoming the norm as I hear of more and more covens formed in similar manners, and with similar tactics.

[Sorsha]

 

[Labrys]

I think we had that discussion when you sent me the wands (Which turned out wonderful, by the way )

Oh, yes...forgot all about those, it has been so busy.  I am glad to know the blanks I sent were satisfactory.

[Ara]

So no, it's not just Wiccans who think the world owes them. Maybe it's because we have so much that we don't realize how others with less work hard for what they have. People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I don't have a dish washer. Come on! It takes about 10-15 minutes to wash the dishes, how hard can it be to do it by hand?

I was thinking about this post as I was washing my dishes just a moment ago.  The four people that live in my house (two 20 year olds, me (19), and an 18 year old) have never lived in a house without a dishwasher.  Until now.  I've always preferred to wash dishes by hand.  It helps me relieve stress.  The other three act like they don't even know what a sponge is.  It ticks me off sometimes, when I go to school in the morning, work until midnight, have a stack of homework that still needs to be done, and I walk into my kitchen to make some tea, and all of the mugs are dirty, because people don't have the courtesy to wash off a cup when they use the last mug, or fork, or dish, or whatever.

It just makes me so mad that I still have yet to go to work today, and already I've cleaned the entire house. The Cowboy was at work, and my other two roommates sat on the couch watching tv while I cleaned AROUND them.

Ugh.  Off to finish.

Always
Ara.

[spirit]

In reference to Lark's original post; I cannot think of an example from living in contemporary society in which a 'pernicious sense of entitlement' doesn't prevail.My life is flooded with it at every level.

As a social worker, I juggle, day in, day out, explaining  in clear terms to clients why resources are limited and that there is emergency aid, but not emergency subsistence if a family is not willing to look after, prosper and adore their child.And when a child - abused; sexually, emotionally, physically or neglected long term comes to our attention and we act, decisively to prevent further harm: we face that 'pernicious sense of entitlement.' And I think to myself more and more..being a parent cannot make your child an entitlement.And then I begin to battle with the law which opposes my belief.

[angelrn]

One of my coworkers once called it THE WALMART GENERATION.
I think it goes even further though.  This way encompasses the masses.  Things should come quick and easy and cheap.  If they don't then that is not the way to go.  If you are overweight, take a pill; if you are sick, take some more pills, if you want something, go buy it.  There is no more working for things anymore.  And yes, at times I have been guilty as well (I try not to be this way).  There are so many factors that cause these beliefs that I don't know where to start.  I do believe it is mostly in USA.  Some Elderly even believe this way.  And like Spirit, I see it every day in my work.  A patient comes in near to death and the family just doesn't understand why they aren't just fine in a couple of hours.  It really is sad that people have lost their feeling of pride in a job well done.