A Newbie to the Site is in Need of Advice

[Anonymous]

Age makes a whole lot of difference to an opinion of someone.

Am I likely to listen to the wise words of a 16 year old pagan, complared to someone whom has been around a hell of a lot of years, that has read far more than me and been on the earth more years than me. Guess what, yes I am. But in the end, I have freedom to listen or not to listen to what i am being told.

The exactly this refers to any situation.

You can be told, but it is up to you as a person to listen to what you want to listen to.

Sorry, but parents are those two or more stupid people that happen to love you and worry about you and have woken up in the middle of the night to your cries when you have needed them.
They are important persons in your life and you probably won't appreciate them until  you are a parent yourself and are going through the same worries.

Give up, those of us, that are parents, know this.

I for one, being brought up a catholic, but choosen from a young age to investigate and read as much as I can about pagans and wiccas between being a mum and wife and then single parent dealing with courts, college course, moody teenage children, stroppy 6 year old faze.
I am not against you, just trying to ask you to see there are two sides to everything.

Parents, are choosing to pass on a relgion that they have choosen and think thats the best in the world for them and for you.

they are only wanting the best for you.

I'm lucky, I have one very strict roman catholic mother and a C of E father that reads a hell of a lot and isn't against my choosen beliefs and in fact, sometimes he agrees with me on some points. (Pagan)

He's always saying Pagans have been around many thousands of years before christianity.
But we don't talk much in front of mum, just out of respect to her religion and not wanting to hurt her feelings.

Feelings, that whats counts.

We can make a stand from the parents, when we have our own house, our own bills, our own LIFE. The door shuts, and no one is answerable to our actions but ourself.

But when you live with the old folks, it demands respect.

I'm 36 and my mum is 77, but she's my mum and needs to be respected and lucky she repects me. But we don't look for arguments on religion. We avoid it out of respect because obviously we are unlikely to agree because we don't belong to the same.

[Shadow]

As I said, you are entitled to your opinion.  You're wrong, but you are entitled to wallow in your delusions.

If you live on your own and pay your own way you may choose your own lifestyle.  If you are a minor child and live under your parent's roof with them paying the bills you live by their rules.  It's a pretty simplistic view point, but it is pretty universal the world over.

When the original poster reaches the age of majority and becomes self sufficient she can move out of her parent's house and start paying her own rent, utilities, transportation, food, and all of the other various sundries that go along with being an adult, and then she can live the way she chooses.

[RedRonin]

my age has nothing to do with my intellect

Nope........ that speaks for itself...........

[Jennie]

my point was that she has a right to her own religion.i dont care what age you are, no one can force you to believe anything.

"No one can force you to believe anything" - I think any reasonable person would agree with that. However, parents can certainly require their children to behave in certain ways, including attending the religious services of the parents' choice, refraining from reading or studying material the parents find offensive or innappropriate, and speaking and acting respectfully regarding the parents' religion and the parents themselves.

any parent, any person who would say otherwise obviously doesn't have the childs best interests at heart.

No matter how unjust minors everywhere find it, legislators and courts have agreed that people below the age of majority do not have the judgement to be responsible for making their own major decisions (such as entering into contracts), and that that responsibility is held instead by the child's parents.  The courts of the US would consider choosing a religion to be a major decision. In fact, in many places in the US, an adult who teaches a child religious material that a parent finds objectionable can be brought up on criminal charges for interfering in the religious upbringing of a minor. All of this is done in the best interests of the child, by the way, to protect children from exploitation by unscrupulous adults.

Bright blessings,
Jennie

[Anonymous]

          Reading all of your posts, I feel slightly foolish for having wasted your time.

I personally find it amazing how a person can be faced with a problem and not see the rather obvious answer until it is shoved before their very eyes.  While Red Ronin's remarks did sting at the time, I suppose I was being rather bothersome.   Irritating people sometimes need to be smacked back into place before they can be dealt with properly.

Well, I do thank you all for your time and help and will endevor to except my parents decision even if I do not completely agree with it.  That is what makes me a teenage girl and my parents...well, my parents.  I believe that life would be boring without at least a little conflict!  ^_^

Thanks again for your time!

[Gryphon]

          Reading all of your posts, I feel slightly foolish for having wasted your time.

Well, I do thank you all for your time and help and will endevor to except my parents decision even if I do not completely agree with it.

You did not waste our time. You had a what to you was a serious problem. I understand your feelings. I was that teenager once. I also understand your parents' position having a teenager or two of my own.

I admire your strength of character to accept something you find disagreeable. It will serve you well throughout your entire life. Remember you will be on your own soon enough. Trust me that you will treasure a good relationship with your parents long past your childhood years. It is a rare gift and one denied to many of us.

We will be here when you return to continue your studies when you are an adult. Blessings!

[Anonymous]

My opinion is not acknowlegded (and for good reason; only 5 months in the faith) but I feel strongly of this issue.

While I agree that you on your parent's ground and must respect their opinions, they should understand that you are an individual and that you need to explore. Keeping someone on a chain all the time is bound to affect them negatively.

As for your parents assaulting your room; Once again, it their house, and until you are 18, you need to bow to their will. However, they in turn must respect your privacy and space. To me, my room is my temple. My family knows that, and they won't enter unless they ask me, because they understand that I am exploring different faiths. It as I was once told: There is more then once way to climb a mountain.

Finally, people fear what they don't know. Try reasoning with them, telling them bits and peices of your new-found faith here and there, and gradually enlighten them. Try explaining some of the beliefs, and explain a little about what they stand for.

This is just a thought, and generally they should just be ignored, but this is what I think nevertheless.

May Spirit guide you in everything you do!

Talus Evernight

[Anonymous]

thanks talus   you hit on it exactly.
ps same arrangement in my house!

[Anonymous]

Have a small bundle for yourself and then give such controversial advice.

[Anonymous]

We cannot impose our will and desires on our parents. (Meaning, they're not going to change their minds in less than a year, just because you want them to.) However... another poster hit it on the head for me. Your faith is already well-developed and in your heart. It isn't going to go away, no matter what is done to you or demanded of you. Knowing that, cultivate your serenity. Look upon your hours at Mass as an intellectual oportunity to see the parallels between Catholic practise and pagan magic/worship. Don't forget that the Gods choose when They will speak to you - it's possible to hear their voices in the sermons or rituals of your parent's church. It's just in a language that is a bit foreign to you now htat you've found your 'mother tongue'.
   I like the idea of studying your homeland's rich mythos - you sound balanced and smart. The wonderful stories of the early days of Five Kingdoms will stand you in good stead when you can practise on your own, while enriching your life now, while you prepare and cultivate patience.
   Good luck to you. These years you are in the midst of are naturally the years of separation between parents and child - they fear for you, they love you, and it's so, so very hard to 'let you make your own way' that many can't... even while they have given you the tools and the drive to do exactly that. This tension is *normal*. Normal. It isn't easy yet it's what makes it possible for a young-adult to truly leave the nest when it's time. You'll get through this.

When I lived at school, I devoted a lot of my time to praying to "Goddess within Woman" in the Mary Chapel. It was easy for me to see Her Manifest in a form that my mother could be comfortable with and appeal to within her own faith-path. I don't know if that is something you can do, but I offer it as something to consider.

[danae]

Okay, personal opinion time.  

As a child, I was brought up in a very devoutly Christian family.  As I began to see that this was not the path I wanted to take in life, I began studying other religions.  My family was vehemently opposed to this.  

I never hid my studies from them, which I think is what upset your parents more than anything.  Parents as a rule DO NOT like being deceived.  They want to trust you, but when you act in a manner that is untrustworthy, you have to redeem yourself.

Also something you may want to try is to see the Lord and Lady in their religious services.  I have several books that are "Christian" oriented...but the deeper meaning within can be applied to almost any religion!  We must learn to look beyond the facade most people present to the world and see what it is they really have to offer.

Most of all, try to have a reasonable conversation with your parents over this.  A calm, collected sit-down conversation will do wonders for your relationship.  

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Well the way I see it you must follow  your parents rules while living in there house as long as it dose not conflict with your own morals.(Not desires!) I know christianaty is not your thing, but I think jesus said it best (You must give to ceaser what is ceaser's and to god what is god's.) Luckly you are 17! You will soon be able to serve any god or goddess you want!(Within the constrants of law, of'corse) On a personal note, when I had a problem with my family's church I simply found some one on one

[Anonymous]

I had a similar problem with my parents...they actually asked me at the time how did I know I wasn't praying to Satan...They took my books, my candles, everything.  That is when I realized you don't need those things.  Magick is not in anything else, but you, and you need nothing to practice it, or to live it, except your will and faith.  I use to sit and mediate (indeed it was during this time that I learned to fall into a deep trance easily), and to just speak with the Deities.  I've know several people in this situation, and all of them came to accept it, although most did not agree with it, even my parents.  Give it time.  Everything works out in the end for a reason.

Blessed Be

[Anonymous]

I do not appreciate being called a post-adolescent zit picker.

Life sucks.  Deal with it.

In my very first post at Branwen's I came in swinging in defense of the Newbie and their need for help.  This comment by RedRonin was just too much for me!  I'm sorry Red about the personal attack and hope you can except my sincere apology.  I promised someone I would do that with sincerity and I would really like to believe I can admit when I am wrong.....
back to the comment made about deal with it.....My father 40 years ago would say the same thing and I never knew what to say...but now that he's dead and gone I know what I should have said was " Deal with it ? that's what I'm asking you....HOW??"
not to thread jack...I still believe that the newbie didn't need to hear negative name calling!  Delete if you want!

[Lark]

back to the comment made about deal with it.....My father 40 years ago would say the same thing and I never knew what to say...but now that he's dead and gone I know what I should have said was " Deal with it ? that's what I'm asking you....HOW??"
not to thread jack...I still believe that the newbie didn't need to hear negative name calling! Delete if you want!

I am going to point out one thing here.  Red's posts were not directed at the original poster in this thread.  That individual received any number of good recommendations on how to "deal" with their situation.  They even acknowledged that the more 'tough love' suggestions they got from Red were helpful.

Red's comments that you took offense to were made to someone who was not asking for advice, but stating their opinion that they did not need to honor their parent's wishes even though they were living at home.  So no "negativity" was aimed at the person asking for help.

That being said, I will point out that on this board people are permitted to respond as they will as long as they do not violate the TOS of this board.  That may mean that not everyone will have warm fuzzy things to say to posters.  And that's OK, they are entitled to have an opinion.  If others feel differently, the appropriate response is to state their opinion, offer their advice...not tell the other person that their post was "wrong".

And if there is to be a call made on someone as to violations of the TOS it should be made by one of the Mods on the board.  If you have a concern about a particular post, the best thing to do is to PM one of the Mods and ask them to look at the post.

-Lark-
Forum Owner