A Newbie to the Site is in Need of Advice

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone.

I realize that you probably do not appreciate a newbie on a forum where everyone seems to know each other, but I am horribly confused about what I should do in my current situation.  I ask that you forgive my sudden appearance.  For those who need more information then that, I am a 17 year old Irish girl who has been following the craft for several years now.  Yet I digress.

I have been following the craft for several years now, as I stated above, and am entirely happy with my decision to break from my family's rather staunch Catholic beliefs.  However, my so called "break" was not terribly overt...to be quite honest it was invisible to all those not looking for it.  I am not a terribly aggressive person by nature, and did not want to put up with the arguements and rows that would have occurred had I vocalized my decision.

Everything was all hunky-dory for a while, I was enjoying myself and my newfound faith and found myself becoming increasingly interested in my motherland's mythology.  I'm sure that you are all aware of Ireland's wealth of mythology and lore.  However the proverbial rug was yanked from under me when I came home from school roughly three months ago, to find my mother standing in the doorway with my copy of an herbal encyclopedia in her hands.  Needless to say, she was not pleased to find that within each plant's summary, there were magickal uses listed.

To make a long story short, my room was raided and anything that  had a slightly dubious appearence was chucked straight out.  My movements are being monitered like a felon's, and I am at a loss as to what to do.  I feel empty without the Craft that I have become so accustomed to.

I was wondering if any of you were still under the rule of monotheistic parents when you found your way to the Craft, and if so, what did you do to keep your faith alive?  I feel an increasing amount of bitterness welling up inside of me every time my mother drags me to church, and it frightens me.

If any of you have the time, could you please give me some advice as to what I should do?  However I understand if you do not.   I Thank you for your time.


Blessed Be

[RedRonin]

Well darlin, first and firstly you are under your parents roof and subject to their rules for at least a little while longer.  If they don't want you practicing the hocus-pocus and going to church instead, that is your lot.  

In a subtle fashion, you went against their wishes and snuck around with your studies.  You cannot really grouse about being treated as untrustworthy when you're not.  

The best suggestion I can make is that you accept things as they are for now without making a big fuss or getting all twisted up inside over it.  None of that will improve your situation and could serve to make it worse.  Why build up the negative energy?

There are numerous ways to cultivate your connection to the Divine.  Work on learning to "feel" the energies at work around you.  Practice the calming of the mind that you will need later on when you do get out on your own and can study as you wish.  Develop your focus.  There's lots you can do with no study aids at all.  It just takes some ingenuity.

Make the best of what you have.  Be patient.

[Anonymous]

I never had any monotheistic parent, but I did live with my father who was vehemently anti-witchcraft.  I got round it by hiding it.  But then, I don't particularly like the way I was back then, so I shouldn't recommend doing as I did.

Look at it this way - 17 is nearly 18 - it won't be long before you can officially do what you want.  

Mind you, that won't make the whole problem go away - at some point you're going to have to talk to your parents or you'll always have a stunted relationship.  So, you are interested in herbs and mythology?  Is that so bad?  Herbs=science/nature.  Mythology was something they taught at my primary school.  Wouldn't they feel proud that you have a love for the historic country you come from?  

There are many ways of approaching this, and I understand that your parents probably won't be happy, but I think if you are going to be happy you need to find one that your parents can feel comfortable with.

[Fillionous]

This is a topic that comes up quite regually and it is never easy.

On one hand, you are, as RedRonin implies, still constrained by your parents rules while you are within thier home. On the other you are an articulate person who is wanting to discover thier own path.

I would not in any way advise 'hiding' your intrests, being underhand is not really in the spirit of any faith and it wil not help if you are 'found out'.

So what to do while you wait for your 'freedom'?

Look at wider subjects that you can study, things that are not going to cause offence and while not obviously Pagan will stand you in good stead... almost any craft, sewing, gardening, cooking, painting, writing (remember thngs on computer can be password protected). Look at the sciences, natural history, biology, chemistry, astronomy (keep clear for the moment of astrology). with care other subjects come to mind, geneology, history, arcitecture (it is surprising in what buildings you find hints of Paganisum...) and so forth.

Try also to keep your morals. In a quiet way live your life true to your beliefs. Open the curtians in the morning and greet the day, be polite and true to your word, smile and see joy in the world. Thank the bounty of nature for the food on your plate. You don't have to say anything out loud, the gods will hear you all the same.

Even Church can be useful... a great number of the ceromonies, symbols etc. overlay earlier Pagan practices... the God and the Goddess can be found even in church, look for some of the carvings... any parish church of a ceritan age will have 'green men' hidden in the stonework. Prehaps you can find solas amoungst some of the saints or even the image of Mary as an aspect of the Goddess.

Bide your time. 17 is too young to be getting angry and harbering bitterness to your parents and thier Church... they are after all just trying to follow thier faith which tells them to preach the good news and protect thier loved ones from the devil. Try to find respect that they do have a strong faith and that they love you enough to want to care for both your physical and spiritual well being.

I'll not say, it is easy... it is not.
But good luck.

Be bright, be bold
Fillionous

[Anonymous]

Hi to the Irish witch.

I know exactly where you are coming from.
I live across the water from you in England.
The Irish are very strict with their religion.

Be patient. I had too be with my parents.

I did things like, walking in the full moon and soaking up the beautiful atmosphere.

Walking in the woods and tree hugging, which i still do with my children now.

Even if you were able, there isn't enough time for the here and now to read all the books, look up all the web sites and talk to so many people on the subject of beliefs that you have choosen.
It all takes time, it goes at a steady pace along with your skills, maturity and confidence within yourself and over time of life. Of which you have plenty of.

I feel stronger as a witch now than I did when I was 13.
I enjoy listening and learning of other peoples point of views of different beliefs and sometimes compare what tools they use to the tools that I use.

For instance, churches use candles.
I do candle magick and I don't use any other tools. But like to try other things to see what feels comfortable.

There nothing stopping you from meditating to a lite white candle.
Catholics used to pray to a candle many many years ago, before doctors were so relied upon.

So many beliefs and faiths over lap in some areas.
Who knows, it may not be whom we believe in or what, but the inportant thing is our selves.
If we want something badly enough, it will happen and only if it is good and dosen't harm others.

[Anonymous]

omg/gs i am so outraged on your behalf.im 19 and also from ireland.my parents are roman catholics and i just "came out" to them there...oh less than a week ago.they dont like it, but they have to accept it.

as for

Well darlin, first and firstly you are under your parents roof and subject to their rules for at least a little while longer. If they don't want you practicing the hocus-pocus and going to church instead, that is your lot.

In a subtle fashion, you went against their wishes and snuck around with your studies. You cannot really grouse about being treated as untrustworthy when you're not.

i do not agree.you are a human being with feelings and thoughts.they raised you to have an opinion and now they are whinging because you express it?excuse my language but f*** that.

you have every right to practise your religion, and they have no right to try and take that away from you.the beauty of it is they can't, its in your heart, its what you are.so my advice is pray.observe the rituals you would normally do albeit in a different way.the tools are just that, tools.you're the one who has had it in you all along.

as for your parents,its time to talk.if it leads to an argument, so be it.at least you can get it all thrashed out.the point is, they have no right to try to deprive you of your religion or to drag you to the rituals of theirs.

this is just my point of view, and i do have a history of taking no bulls***!lol!

stay strong, and remember, the gods are always with you.if you need to chat, please feel free to PM me.

[Gryphon]

Claire,

At 19 I am assuming that you haven't had much experience in raising children, nor do you undertand an adult's point of view on the subject at hand.

You may not agree, but if you live under your parents' roof, you owe them the courtesy of respecting their wishes. In this case the wishes are for their religious path to be followed.

I honored my mother's wishes to have her religious path followed until I was on my own. Even afterwards I went out of my way to accomidate her  during holidays in her home.

Harm none is more than just words. It is living your life in an honorable way that cause the least amount of pain to others. There is nothing wrong with honoring one's parents, in fact when done with love, following their wishes will show them that you are maturing.

Parents are more likely to listen to a mature adult child than a petulant teenager.

YMMV

[Shadow]

i do not agree.you are a human being with feelings and thoughts.they raised you to have an opinion and now they are whinging because you express it?excuse my language but f*** that.

Yeah, that's pretty much the attitude I get out of my fifteen year old who believes she's all grown up.  She'll come up with just this type of argument, right before she gets sent to her room.

[RedRonin]

they raised you to have an opinion

A couple of points.....

A) THEY raised you.  They're still raising you.  Their house.  Thier rules.  Simple rules with my kids.  Obey the rules.  Live in the house.  Don't like the rules.  Get your own place.  Live here and disobey.  Well...... they don't.  We'll leave it at that.

B)  You're entitled to your opinion.  That doesn't mean your opinion holds equal weight to theirs.  Their house.  Thier rules.

What is it with these post-adolescent zit pickers the past month?  I'd swear there was an olympic Piss And Moan competition going on somewhere.

[RedRonin]

and i do have a history of taking no bulls***

...and we're all just quakin on our boots over that, too, cupcake.

[Anonymous]

When I looked back on this forum and saw the responses my post had gotten, the quote, "Hindsight is 20/20" suddenly made an incredible amount of sense.  
 
However, while I do realize that I may have sounded whiny in my post, I do not appreciate being called a post-adolescent zit picker.  I am greatful for your help and am very thankful that you would even take the time to respond to my questions, however I dislike being called names when all I was doing was asking a question.  I wasn't sure what to do in my situation so I came here in the hope that some one would help me, and they did.  But calling me a whiny zit picker when all I was doing was asking for help, is like calling a kid dumb when they don't understand a maths equation.
 
I do thank you all for the help and constructive criticism, but would ask that you not call me names in the process.  
 
Thank you for your time.

[RedRonin]

I do not appreciate being called a post-adolescent zit picker.

Life sucks.  Deal with it.

[Fillionous]

Unfortunetly on a board like this we get a regular influx of vocal and 'all knowing' teenagers and assosiated wannabes. It sometimes can be difficalt to tell the genuine seekers and real thoughtful questioners from the general dross of 'help me, help me' cries.

Indeed when we usually get questions like yours we never get any feedback that the orriginal poster even came back to look at what we might have posted in advice. (So for that ... thanks!)

RedRonin is a senior and experianced person on this board. He does not suffer fools gladly... if at all. And is sharply blunt with his opinons. (Sharply blunt... intresting controdiction...) Sometimes his comments are close to the mark (I personally think this time he was a little unfair, but that will mean little to him, after all it is his opinion... and mine will make little differance to him) But after reading through 10 odd fluffy rubbish posts a day many of us would like the courage to answer as Red does, as it tests the patience of a saint to always be 'sweetness and light'.

Most of the regulars have been on the reciving end of his comments (myself included) Indeed we would expect it if we act stupidly.
My advice is not to be put off, take it with the humour and humility it is designed to give. I think of him in a way like Loki... popping egos, the sacred joke, insightful cutting comment... prehaps a hard or harsh lesson, but often with more truth than we would like to admit to.

Welcome to Branwen's... mind the goat  

Be bright, be bold
Fillionous

I now duck as RedRonin comes back to pop my ego, for daring to make some explination of his actions...

[Shadow]

I usually don't have time to get involved these little spats, however, this once I think I will make an exception.

This young lady wasn't called a post adolescent anything.  That response was to Claire who is older and appears to believe she has the world figured out.  This young lady is still an adolescent, still living at home under her parents supervision and support, and needs to understand and deal with that situation.  No one here who has lasted long enough on this board to be considered a long standing regular is going to tell her to go against her parents wishes while she is still a minor.

The other, not quite so, young lady is certainly entitled to her opinion, but if she chooses to give that opinion out here she is certainly entitled to our opinions in response as well.

Hope this cleared things up.

[Anonymous]

my point was that she has a right to her own religion.i dont care what age you are, no one can force you to believe anything.any parent, any person who would say otherwise obviously doesn't have the childs best interests at heart.

my age has nothing to do with my intellect, so please refrain from using it as bait.it wont work.