Accepting Cronehood

[Anonymous]

Almost 3 years ago, I started showing early signs of menopause and had recurring polyps in my uterus.  The doctor and I decided on a full hysterectomy.  I could have kept my ovaries, but taking them simply sped up the inevitable loss of their function anyway and protected me against ovarian cancer.

However, this left me facing cronehood about 10 years sooner than I had anticipated, and I found I was not ready for it.  All this time later I still occaisionaly grieve over it.  Having lost my Mother several years ago and not being close to my older sisters, I would appreciate any advice you may have about entering cronehood "gracedfully".

feralkat

[branwen]

Read Dorothy Morrison's  book "In Praise of the Crone."

[Anonymous]

Hi Again, Feralkat!

It's not easy, is it?  I had a complete hysterectomy due to disease when I was only 38 years old.  I was a wreck about it for a few years.  But, as time went on I realized that there is more to cronehood than losing your uterus/ovaries.

Our station in life and our responsibilities change as our bodies do.  Our wisdom increases as well.  And, what amazes me is that, in some mysterious way, our bodies have a wisdom all it's own.  I know some women who had total hysterectomies in their 20's and 30's and thought they were crones, but didn't actually start to experience symptoms of menopause until their 50's!  

So, there is a lot more to it than surgery or age.  

Hang in there!

OwlWoman

[Lark]

Hi FeralKat,

The first thing I would say is that being a Crone is not only a matter of physical signs as it is of your state of mind.

I had a hysterectomy at age 31 and definitely did not feel that I was a Crone at that age.  If we stop identifying being a woman with having a uterus it is easier.  We are so much more than the sum of our internal organs.  Being a mother does not necessariy mean having children of your own.  What can you give birth to?  Dreams?  Music?  Community projects?  All of these are our children as well.  And if you feel that you are not ready to be a Crone yet, then don't be, it will come in time.

I was happy to become a Crone when I turned 50, and went skipping into it tossing aside all those cares that are part of trying to be a potential mate..I could just be me without worrying about society's standards for dress or appearance.  And I could spend time working on my spiritual growth and needs.

But even though I am fully a Crone now, I still carry bits of both Maiden and Mother inside me...just ask my Coveners who call me Mom when they want to tease me!  We are always all aspects of Her..it's just a matter of which one we most closely associate with at any given time.

Blessings,

-Lark-

[Anonymous]

Oh, Lark....I agree with everything you said and you said it all so BEAUTIFULLY:)

OwlWoman

[Anonymous]

I had a partial hysterectomy when I was in my 20's and I definately didn't feel "cronish"....I am now in my 40's and am experiencing perimenopause..Joy of joys!!! Lark answered many of  my questions about becomming a Crone and she gives wonderful advice..so well that the other night as I was reading what she and everyone else had written to me, I began to cry and realize just how special all these folks are.
Age is just a number, wisdom, beauty, and compassion are timeless.

[Anonymous]

Merry Meet:
     If you had a "partial" hysterectomy that probably means that your ovaries weren't removed.  That's probably why you didn't go through surgical menopause.  Most women who have even part of an ovary still functioning will go through a normal menopause.

     Yes, there are wonderful people on this site:))  Hope to hear from you again.

Blessed Be,
OwlWoman

[Rowan CedarWolf]

in addition to Larks' advice I would also suggest that you get to know/meet others who are also experiencing the same thing you are going through. I find it helps me personally to know that I am not the only one going through what I am experiencing.  

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with Owlwoman. Maybe it's because we share the same name in a way, I don't know. Lark has made some very good points too.
Losing your internal organs has nothing to do with becoming a Crone in my opinion. Your life experiences, your biological age, your state of mind, your maturity as you have lived life as you have over the years all has a lot to do with identifying with being the Crone. I myself am just now starting to accept my Crone years ahead of me gracefully, and without regrets. I have had a wonderful, rich life that I wish to share with the younger kids of this forum whenever I can, and that is why I consider myself an Elder, rather than a Crone, for I have lived the expereiences that the kids crave the answers for, and I am more than willing to share that with them. I have been given this gift by the Lady to pass on the knowledge that we all will give to the next generation, and I for one am quite happy about it. I am looked up to by the younger members of this Forum, by the community, by other Forums on the Net, and by my former students, and their students. I have no problem with accepting my cronehood, for it is as natural as when I was a Maiden, a Mother, and all the experiences that I learned from then, I continue to learn from now. Regardless of what my body carries inside me, other than my spirit, is of no consequence to me. It is the path of the witch that I have walked for over 20 years now that has made me who I am, not whether I am a woman, a man, a person who has had a hysterectomy, or a lobotomy for that matter. OK, maybe that's pushing it a bit, but it's what we carry in our hearts that makes us who we are as women, and as men, for all the sages out there reading. We have much to offer, not to give up or sacrifice.


The Owl~

[Anonymous]

I could just be me without worrying about society's standards for dress or appearance.  And I could spend time working on my spiritual growth and needs.


-Lark-

I like the thought of not having to worry about the standards that society sets ( trends etc) I'm almost eager in a way for my cronehood, if only to be more accepting of myself.
Though i am still the mother, you have all helped take away some of the fear of becoming the crone. To accept what comes gracefully and with dignity. Body parts don't equate a persons worth, whether it be our ovaries, uteruses or our breasts, its the way we go through the world and the way we interact with the people we meet this time around. The wisdom that comes with aging, is something that should be honoured and passed on to all. I feel that the more interaction my daughters have with women in different stages of their lives the more they will learn about not only the world but the ways of women.
Thank you for sharing your stories, they in themselves have been a learning experience.

[Anonymous]

Thank you Lark,
You said that so well. I am in my earlt 30's and scared to death of menopause. Mainly because none of the women in my family went into it naturally, they have all had some type of "female" (as my mom puts it) cancer. But looking at it the way you put it I am not so afraid of it. Thank you
rblros