Am I being closed minded?

[Anonymous]

I need an opinion or a few opinions. I am new to this board, but I have been following my path for quite some time.

For the last few years, I have depended on my old favorites for reading and really kind of just written my own rules.

Recently, my daughter has gone out on her own to discover her own path. She is just about 13. We have raised her with very eclectic beliefs. I am pagan, wiccan if I had to call it something. My husband is Native American and follows his tribal tradition. My family is Missouri Synod Lutheran. My children have been taught from all three sources.

I became alarmed when I saw some of the books she had picked out at the bookstore and some of the websites she was visiting. It seems to me that a lot of the recent information out there goes right into spellwork. There doesn't seem to be a lot of emphasis on learning about the spiritual connections involved. I was really alarmed to see love spells and spells to make this person do this that or something else.

One writer in particular caused me great concern. The author was Silver Raven Wolf. I read part of a book called "To Stir a Magick Cauldron" and it seemed almost as though it was using spellwork as the sole reason for following a pagan path.

Am I being closed minded and judgemental?

[Anonymous]

Magic can be quite alluring, especially for kids, and sadly there's a lot of books out there that were written for no other reason than to feed that desire.

[Anonymous]

One writer in particular caused me great concern. The author was Silver Raven Wolf.

Silven Raven Wolf is THE author everybody here warns AGAINST in all the "what book should I pick?" - threads.
You're not judgemental, you're serious. Burn that book
Well or don't and see where it lands you. I went from christian to atheist to spellwork to spellwork with religious basis to christian with spellwork. I like the synthesis myself even though a lot of christians would like to sink me in a river with a rock around my neck to see if I float like "all witches"  
I generally remind them that it's kind of unchristian to sink people in rivers though.  

[Anonymous]

While I'm not at all comfortable with the notion of book burning, Ravenwolf's works are certainly worthy of concern.

You might find this enlightening...

http://wicca.timerift.net/ravenwolf.html

[Anonymous]

I would suggest that you have a discussion with your daughter about ethics, both in harnessing magical powers for pure personal gain and in using those powers to control people.

It's a rough age, and she probably longs to have control over something, anything... if she voices that desire, you may want to suggest writing.  It's how I did it.

Most of all, though, make sure you discuss, not lecture.  If you ask her questions to seriously make her think, the conclusions the both of you come to will mean much more to her than if Mom says them.

[Anonymous]

I've read some of Silver Ravenwolf's books, and I can see why they could possibly concern a parent, particularly as an introduction.  I see a lot of good things, as well as some things with which I disagree, in her works.  In Ravenwolf's defense, "To Ride a Silver Broomstick" is not a beginning book.

As a pagen parent, I find that it's more effective to make books available that take an approach with which I am comfortable.  ("The Inner Temple of Withcraft" by Christopher Penczak is one I've recommended.)  Taking the book away will only make it more desirable.

[Lark]

There is a book that you might want to find for your daughter that discusses what magic can and can't do, when to use magic, and the ethics of magic.  It is an easy book to read and makes some very clear points that may open her eyes to what we believe about magic.  See if you can find her a copy of "Before You Cast a Spell" by Carl McColman.

And I agree that Silver Ravenwolf is not the best author out there.  But rather than just ditching the book, why don't you use it as an opportunity to discuss with your daughter where the book digresses from your beliefs and why.  Every book can be an opportunity to learn something.

A better book that she might enjoy is "21st Century Wicca" by Jennifer Hunter.  And I would also suggest "Wicca, a Guide for the Solitary Practitioner" by Scott Cunningham and "Witchcrafting" by Phyllis Currott.

Blessings,

-Lark-

[Anonymous]

You aren't being close minded, you are just being a careful parent.  No one can blame you.  What has your daughter had to say when you discuss the readings and websites?  Have you tried buying her some more appropriate books?
 
You are allowing her to explore her own path and that is wonderful.  Just try discussing things with her.
 
Blessings,
Tara

[Anonymous]

I think you would be right to talk to her about it.  I raised my children to be eclectic also.  I tried to talk to my children and respect their beliefs and at the same time let them know what I believed and why.

My oldest when she was thirteen wanted to be an Episcopal minister.  At 23 she is practicing Zen.

My youngest went through every thing (ie) Ba Hai, Morman, and now is Pagan.  The Ba Hai and Mormon phases were the worst I think.

Kids explore.  Thirteens are especially difficult.  They are trying to find things that are unique about themselves and special and at the same time they yearn to be part of and accepted by a group.

I would bet some of her friends are into this also and it might be a good idea to explore that if you can after school.  

This is the hard part.  You can't be disapproving because you will drive whatever they are doing underground and you don't want to accept everything either.   The best you can do is be very aware and steer them as subtilely as you can.

You have to pay attention.  Some kids 13-17 near where I live just got into trouble for breaking into places and setting fires on top of grain elevators.

They said the reason was they were "wiccan" and were doing "spells".  Which sure put that little town in an uproar.

[Gryphon]

Your daughter is at an age where control is a big issue. Some of her choices may not be the best, but better she feel free to have them out in the open than end up hiding them from you.

I don't know how much you have shred your path with your daughter but she may suprise you and decide for herself that she isn't interested in the fluff and stuff authors and sites after a while.

My girl picked out a book that was less than desirable. I used it as an opportunity to talk to her about the ethics of love spells. She brought the book to school a few times but has since lost interest in it.

Since then she has asked for help in concocting "good" spells.

Only time will tell. Let your daughter try her wings while you watch.  

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for your advise. I have been using some of the suggestions given by all of you.

The facination with Silver Raven Wolf seems to have passed for the moment.

We just came back from visiting my inlaws. My daughter spent a lot of time with her grandfather who is a very traditional follower of the Lakota traditions. He is the most wise and wonderfully patient person I have ever had the pleasure of comming in contact with.
The two of them seem to feed off of each other. He is teaching her the ways of his people, (and hers of course.) She has him reading Drawing Down the Moon, one of my favorites, and I've noticed, a favorite of many here.

I guess moms sometimes just worry too much.

[Anonymous]

Delightful news, especially regarding the grandfather's influence.
Bright blessings.

[StarFire]

Moms are SUPPOSED to worry.  That's why we're moms.  

[Anonymous]

Heck,

My oldest is 23 and already married and divorced (no kids, thank the goddess).  My baby is 20 and will be married in less than two weeks and moving to England.  

I still worry.

I just can infulence anymore, because I don't want to be an interfering old bat.  Though of course I would be an interfering old bat if I thought it would help them.

It never ends.

[Anonymous]

Not closed minded,

      But I do think your missing a simple truth.  Not everyone who buys books on Wicca and Witchcraft are new to the practice.  Silver Raven Wolf has actually wrote many books on Wicca, many cover the basic, and spirtuality of the earth, God, and Goddess.

      But not all of us wish to have basic principles and beliefs explained to us again and again.

      Witches ( and Wiccans ), who write, write for more than the new and intrested but also the exprienced.  I don't think your beging closed minded I just think your daughter may have started with book targetted at a more advanced, or at least exprienced group of Witches.

Blessed Be,
      Katie